So this is my first blog...I don't know how smart it is to start a blog on 4/6/2010, but I needed to get started some time.

Today is the day my Daddy passed away 7 years ago. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was actually on a Sunday, but this date. I remember going to church and as soon as I got out of Sunday School, Crystal Ellison came up to me and told me my mom called and said that I needed to get to hospice as quick as I could b/c it was almost time. He was already gone when I got there. Mom just didn't want me to be freakin' out on the way there and hurt myself, but I was anyway, b/c I just wanted to spend any last minutes with him that I could. I think I was going 100mph down 85 in Riverdale. I couldn't get to him fast enough. I remember crying & crying just wanting to be there. When I got there, mom said "he's gone." I didn't know what to do. I didn't get tell him goodbye again. The night before I had left to go somewhere with Hannah and I hugged & kissed him bye & told him I loved him, but that just didn't seem like enough. I remember going home and just wanting to shut myself up in my room and not talk to anyone. EVERYONE came over...why? I don't know. I just wanted to be by myself. Finally someone came over that I wanted to see: Hannah, Robert & Ms. Lori!!! These were my best friends! They were the ones who were there for me unconditionally during that time. I needed them so bad!!! I was so glad to see them. It was okay to be normal around them & they didn't ask me how I was doing a million times! And I really appreciated & was glad that they understood me :)

I don't really remember much about the funeral, except that Preacher Hopkins preached it & Nick & Amy sang a few songs. I remember, again, just wanting to be alone. It felt weird being at the grave yard placing my Daddy's casket in the ground. I know my Daddy was saved so his soul was already in heaven with Jesus, so it was weird being there...idk. There were a lot more details too...but I still have such a hard time with it :(

Being a girl without a Daddy or Husband to lead and guide me in life is very HARD! I just want someone to tell me what to do when things go wrong. I hate having to ask people for help. My Dad was always there for me...I NEVER had to ask. I miss him SO much. I miss him for me & especially for my Mama! She has the worst time with it. She was with my Daddy since they were 15 yrs old! My Dad was 54 when he died. He had lung cancer. I love him.