MY STUFF!!!

So...as most of you know I am mad! A certain guy in my life has totally messed me up! And he doesn't even know it! YET!!! I have OCD really bad about some things & he flared it up...BAD!!! I know that this post is going to make me sound selfish & stupid, but it is honest & what actually goes on in my brain :/

Just so you know the story & what is going on...My mother bought me "Sherlock Holmes" for an Easter gift. Well...I haven't had time to watch it since Easter b/c my life has been REALLY REALLY busy!!! Well...someone asked me if they could watch it & I SPECIFICALLY told them "YOU CANNOT WATCH IT UNTIL I DO!" I said it nicely, but since I'm mad I wanted it to sound like I was mad! But I think this makes sense. It was given to me as a gift, I should get to enjoy before anyone else does! RIGHT?!? I think so :) But did I? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He went into my room, sometime within the last week, & took my movie and opened it up & watched it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm mad! That is one of the most inconsiderate things EVER!!! It was MY gift! NOT HIS!!! Sorry, but I'm MAD! He thinks he can just do whatever he wants, but NOPE! PAYBACK STINKS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will make sure that he knows it was me too :)

OCD: NOT FUN! I do not like it when people want my stuff or touch my stuff without my permission. When they do, I don't want it anymore. I just want to take care of my things & not have anyone bother it or me about it. I am OC about my movies & clothes. There are many other little things that I am OC about, but I won't go into it, b/c it will seem like I am literally crazy!

Bottom Line: HE WAS WRONG, AND I AM JUSTIFIED BEING MAD & WANTING PAYBACK!!! :) THANKS!

Bitterness, Loneliness, Patience & HOPE!!!

Well, it's been about a week since I put out a new blog, so I figured it was time again. I want to tell you a few things that are on my mind...Tax time, Bitterness, Loneliness, & Patience.

Tax time: My estimated taxes are due Tomorrow & I have no idea how to figure it out!!! I have Revival meeting tonight so I don't have time to do it. My life has been sooooo crazy lately! No time for anything. I am freaking out about the taxes. I really don't know what I'm gonna do.

Bitterness: The Bible says in Ephesians 4:31-32: Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
I have had a tough time with bitterness in my life :( The Lord has convicted my heart over & over so many times about having this in my life. I also have a hard time with evil speaking, be honest, who doesn't? Monday night of revival, the Lord SO got a hold of my heart about being bitter & cold. I pray that with God's help, this mess will be out of my life quickly!

Loneliness: It's hard being alone. This has been weighing my spirit down so much lately. I want to live right & please the Lord, but I'm ready to do that with the person I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with. I get very impatient sometimes, but I am 28 years old & I feel like I should have already reached that point in my life. All the people my age are married & have kids. I feel sometimes as if I will never grow up :( It gets annoying sometimes, but what else am I gonna do? A friend of mine told me to get a hobby to keep myself busy. I don't know what I like to do?!? I love to shop, but that cost too much money! LOL! I really hope the Lord helps me to get content in whatever I am going through so that He will send me that person :) I hope it is soon!

Patience: Hebrews 10:36 For ye have need of PATIENCE, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise. James 1:3-4 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh PATIENCE. But let PATIENCE have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
I struggle with this the most! I hope God will instill this virtue in my life, b/c God only knows that I have waited on a lot of things for a long time, but just when I should be getting used to it/content, I get impatient instead. Maybe I should get a hobby. Things might be a little easier for me.

Hope:
Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the DESIRES of thine heart.
Philippians 4:11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be CONTENT.
Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be CONTENT with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Thank you Lord for your promises! Pray for me...

MTBC Teen Camp Meeting

YAY! YAY! YAY! It is time for MTBC Teen CampMeeting!!! I know that I'm not a teen anymore, by a long shot, but I love this camp meeting! The Lord always gets a hold of my heart whenever we go! I get to go up on Thursday this year with Ms. Melissa & Bridgette! I am excited about the road trip with them. I think it'll be a lot better for me than the vans full of people! lol! I think I have only missed one year of this camp meeting since they started it. It has changed my life visiting that church and seeing how the young people worship the Lord there. It's almost like another world :)

So this is my first blog...I don't know how smart it is to start a blog on 4/6/2010, but I needed to get started some time.

Today is the day my Daddy passed away 7 years ago. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was actually on a Sunday, but this date. I remember going to church and as soon as I got out of Sunday School, Crystal Ellison came up to me and told me my mom called and said that I needed to get to hospice as quick as I could b/c it was almost time. He was already gone when I got there. Mom just didn't want me to be freakin' out on the way there and hurt myself, but I was anyway, b/c I just wanted to spend any last minutes with him that I could. I think I was going 100mph down 85 in Riverdale. I couldn't get to him fast enough. I remember crying & crying just wanting to be there. When I got there, mom said "he's gone." I didn't know what to do. I didn't get tell him goodbye again. The night before I had left to go somewhere with Hannah and I hugged & kissed him bye & told him I loved him, but that just didn't seem like enough. I remember going home and just wanting to shut myself up in my room and not talk to anyone. EVERYONE came over...why? I don't know. I just wanted to be by myself. Finally someone came over that I wanted to see: Hannah, Robert & Ms. Lori!!! These were my best friends! They were the ones who were there for me unconditionally during that time. I needed them so bad!!! I was so glad to see them. It was okay to be normal around them & they didn't ask me how I was doing a million times! And I really appreciated & was glad that they understood me :)

I don't really remember much about the funeral, except that Preacher Hopkins preached it & Nick & Amy sang a few songs. I remember, again, just wanting to be alone. It felt weird being at the grave yard placing my Daddy's casket in the ground. I know my Daddy was saved so his soul was already in heaven with Jesus, so it was weird being there...idk. There were a lot more details too...but I still have such a hard time with it :(

Being a girl without a Daddy or Husband to lead and guide me in life is very HARD! I just want someone to tell me what to do when things go wrong. I hate having to ask people for help. My Dad was always there for me...I NEVER had to ask. I miss him SO much. I miss him for me & especially for my Mama! She has the worst time with it. She was with my Daddy since they were 15 yrs old! My Dad was 54 when he died. He had lung cancer. I love him.